i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
