If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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