What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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