this just has baby written all over it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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