You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
