I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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