He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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