I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
