i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
