Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
