he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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