so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
