wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
