So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
