meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
