i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize