Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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