She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
