Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
