The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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