I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
false alarm, still single
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
