well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
