Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
