I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
