I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
