Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
