and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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