Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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