im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
