I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
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