I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
whose parrot is this?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it