I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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