some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need a hoe opinion