my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks