my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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