I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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