He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
