i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
