would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
