dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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