i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
