Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
