i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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