take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
