I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
