you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drake has all the answers
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize