So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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