Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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