I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?