May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it