Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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