I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.