I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.