Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.

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(402): I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity. http://tfl.nu/6ok4

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(239): View more from Florida

Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet

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(239): Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet http://tfl.nu/je6a

Replies (30) Good night (1064) Bad night (8869)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono

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(732): i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono http://tfl.nu/0ij8

Replies (32) Good night (5421) Bad night (949)
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(813): View more from Florida

so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

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(813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1

Replies (32) Good night (8427) Bad night (1189)
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(303): View more from Colorado

And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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(303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0

Replies (11) Good night (885) Bad night (3511)
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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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(361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97

Replies (21) Good night (4442) Bad night (1642)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.

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(417): Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road. http://tfl.nu/ry0e

Replies (7) Good night (3262) Bad night (1310)
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(972): View more from Texas

I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

(214): View more from Texas

Does it taste like semen?

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(972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv

Replies (10) Good night (4464) Bad night (1611)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...

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(605): Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away... http://tfl.nu/4asr

Replies (4) Good night (1348) Bad night (1253)
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(641): View more from Iowa

But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"

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(641): But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen" http://tfl.nu/78x7

Replies (7) Good night (1213) Bad night (1110)
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(707): View more from California

Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket

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(707): Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket http://tfl.nu/p2ny

Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (417)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.

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(202): Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head. http://tfl.nu/ntvr

Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (372)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.

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(309): I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/hvs3

Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (372)
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(818): View more from California

I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.

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(818): I think my AA sponsor just booty called me. http://tfl.nu/z94l

Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (467)
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(360): View more from Washington

I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose

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(360): I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose http://tfl.nu/nlo5

Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (611)

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