i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight