I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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