Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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