I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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