We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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