Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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