I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
