I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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