I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
