can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
