Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
