awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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