Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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