Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize