theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
