There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
