So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
