Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
