Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
